2018

2018

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I made this picture during art therapy this summer. My soul is made from many tectonic plates. Between those plates are black holes, into which the plates can slip. If this happens, everything is disturbed.

What a year this has been. Exhausting, beautiful, sad and everything in between. And when I thought it was over, my uncle died.

My sister-in-law’s pregnancy overshadowed a big part of 2018. I cried a lot, and at the same time my soul froze. Apathy had a strong hold of me. I had felt bad before, but as they say: It can always get worse.

So I did what I never wanted to do again, and decided to have inpatient treatment… again. Sometimes changing your mind is the best thing you can do.

Not every problem could be solved during those eight weeks, but I felt much stronger when I came home in October.

The first weeks after therapy I was very optimistic. After two months this was replaced by realism, and I am very aware of the fact that I just will have to live with many of my limitations. Sometimes I am at war with myself, but mostly I can deal with it. And I fiercely protect the boundaries I set.

During the eight weeks I was away from home, I noticed that I need very few things to be happy. So I started decluttering. This is painful at times, but mostly I feel relieved when I let things go. Decluttering will definitely play an important part in the new year as well.

When Christmas arrived, I had to admit that I still wasn’t able to spend time with the In-Laws and the new baby. But I managed not to harm myself, this is progress, I guess.

My uncle’s death shortly before Christmas brought up lots of emotions as well. I try to deal with this step by step. We had a decent Christmas Eve with my parents, the funeral on Wednesday will be the next thing to deal with. And after that the new year will become much better, or so I hope. I don’t do resolutions though, I just want to make the best of every day as they come.

And now let’s welcome the new year! May it bring us many happy hours and health.

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