… bye bye 2017

… bye bye 2017

I was born and raised in Cologne. So we decided to welcome the new year on a boat cruising on the river Rhine. My parents-in-law and one of my brothers-in-law joined us.

A great opportunity to dress up and have fun…  not for me, of course. The tears started falling in the car while driving to my parents-in-law. Pictures of Sammy dying repeating again and again in my head. Once more, knowing we had a long and good time together wasn’t enough.

On the boat, music was playing and everybody was in a cheerful mood, except me. I was getting sadder and sadder. More tears. I felt cut off from everything around me. My parents-in-laws are so happy about becoming grandparents in August. Life goes on, or so they say, but I am stuck in my own personal hell with no way out. Just great.

They all tried to cheer me up… Everything will be better in 2018, blah, blah. Well, as the famous German writer Goethe said “I hear the message loud and clear, alas, I still lack the faith”.

I tried to distract myself by taking lots of photos with my Galaxy S7 and was pleasantly suprised by their good quality. The boat passed many places I know from my early childhood, it was a bittersweet feeling. And I had a blast singing local songs in colognian dialect along with everyone. Oh well, I will always be a colognian girl at heart, I guess. 

My emotions were constantly changing, I ended up feeling confused and sad.

We were home at 3 am and the cat let us know it was time for a nighttime snack. I didn’t fall asleep right away, but after sleeping for five hours with a purring cat next to me, I felt much better. Today we take it easy and tomorrow it’s business as usual again. No resolutions, I am quite busy with taking each day as it comes.