Gloomy days

Gloomy days

These days where I just want to hide from the world…

My husband is feeling better, that’s a good thing. But I don’t know what to do with myself.

I have been taking the Milnacipran for three weeks now. The side effects have subsided, but my mood hasn’t lifted. I know you should give a new anti depressant at least six weeks. But I know from my past experience, if there isn’t any improvement in the first weeks, it will not get better in the long term.

I feel desperate. I didn’t expect a miracle to happen, I know that much. But a little zest for life, a spark I could light a fire with, that is what I would’ve needed.

The urge to make this frustration go away with self harm, even just for a short time, is really strong right now. For the moment it is kept at bay, because my husband is home all the time with me. But this will not always be the case.

On days like today, good times seem to be out of reach. Hopelessness paralyses me until I can’t move anymore.

The weather doesn’t help. It is cold and rainy, I am still cold from being outside earlier.

Figures that my hearing aid is broken and has to be sent away for repair. At least I have another one I can use.

Tomorrow morning I have my two-weekly appointment with my therapist. Maybe this will help.



So I gladly put my hearing aid in my ear today after two days of healing, and was disappointed when my hearing still wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. Of course it’s the weekend, and I can’t reach my ENT or hearing-aid acoustician *deep sigh*.

So next week I will first

1.) pay my hearing-aid acoustician a visit, to find out ifa) my hearing aid is working properly,
b) earwax was pushed into the hearing aid, and
c) the hearing aid still fits my ear canal (the ear changes its shape even in adults).

When everything is alright as the hearing aid is concerned, I will return to
2.) the ENT specialist to check
a) if the inflammation has healed completely,
b) if my hearing got worse. An audiogram takes maybe 15 minutes and can easily be compared with earlier tests.

So far, so good. But I have to admit I feel frustrated, because I really thought everything would be back to normal today.