Today I talked to the head physician again, and told her my mood has improved, but that I feel quite confused and not stable nonetheless.
The head physician was great and took some time to explain me how she sees it: One, the new medication really seems to help me. Second, I have to wait until the new medication completely takes effect. She described my current state as a kind of thawing, a time of unstableness that will pass. She told me she thinks therapy is going well, and to keep on working with them.
I feel like playing a brick game in which I have to put different bricks together so that they form a stable wall. Everything is messed up and has to find a new kind of order in my head.
I drew this picture in creative therapy. It shows how I pull myself out of the depths of depression.
I know now that I can condemn my bad thoughts, painful memories and mistakes as long as I want: They are a part of me. But there also has to be another, strong part inside of me, otherwise I wouldn’t be alive anymore.
Maybe I can live with my weak parts if they are kind of counteracted by the strong parts.
I found my sense of humor again this morning. During physiotherapy the therapist talked about Gandhi and thinking positive, when somebody said very loudly: “I am so done with this shit! I am done here!”
Well, talk about thinking positively, it made me smile. Otherwise my mood is far from stable, it goes up and down.
So I proudly join the TToT-communityagain. Let’s see what I can contribute:
- I once again was able to go home for the weekend. It’s so important for me to stay in touch with my pack. They rock!
- We went for a long walk with the dogs on Saturday. The weather was sunny and not so hot. It was so good for my soul to breathe fresh air after a week in town.
- My husband and I had ice cream after walking the dogs, it was nice to spend some quality time with my pack.
- Our dog Sam allowed a stranger to pet him, that was a first! He really feels safe with us more often.
- Fell asleep last night with a purring cat on my tummy, this sure felt great.
- Our therapist in creative therapy talked to me about my picture, and he helped me see things I didn’t.
- I was told twice I am working hard in therapy this week, and this was a nice thing to hear.
- My father visited me Thursday evening, we took a walk and talked. Sometimes it’s good to take a break from therapy and all that.
- Called my mother today, and she was so supportive as well. You can’t walk this way alone.
- I once again was told by many people that I matter, and it’s good I can talk to so many friends so openly about my problems.
I again participate in the Friendly Fill-Insagain participate in the Friendly Fill-Ins, hosted by Four-Legged Furballs and and and 15andmeowing So here we go:
1. September is the perfect month for enjoying days outside in cooler weather.
2. This month, I am looking forward to working on my mental issues, so I can be happy again.
3. My morning routine always includes having breakfast and looking after our feline and canine furbabies. They taught us well😁
4. I have a love-hate relationship with our scale. Depends on what number it shows in the morning.
In the coming week it will be one year since my heart cat Sammy left us for the rainbow bridge. If love could have kept her with us, she still would be here. But I know she is at a better place now, and that she is free of her old body.
I will always remember her last day, I felt I had to let her go. One last time we snuggled up together, she laid on my tummy until I noticed her body had become limp and she had slipped into a kind of coma. She felt cool to the touch, and we covered her with a blanket.
When it was time to go to bed, I placed her next to me, between us. I was about to turn out the light, when her breathing changed, and then suddenly she stopped breathing, and it was over. It was so peaceful. But I still miss her.
Like on the picture above, Sammy liked to lie in our bed with us, and we all enjoyed this so much. She will never be forgotten, that’s for sure.
Therapy is hard work. And so I was really relieved when a nurse told me today, the team thinks I am doing great. I know that I am working hard, but it was nice to hear it from another person.
Today it was time to meet the head physician again. I told her I sleep very well, but that I am still lacking energy throughout the day. I am struggling to keep up with all the appointments here.
The head physician decided, another change concerning the medication is in order. She told me, I will feel better in about one or two weeks. She also told me she thinks I am doing great as well.
I hope the experts are right. Right now I feel confused and irritated. But I know these feelings are to be expected during therapy.
But I am still fighting to get better: My pack deserves the best Viola. And I want to be happy again.
After I have been home at the weekend, it is difficult for me to settle in here in the hospital again. I feel useless, because I can’t help my pack at home with everyday things. I struggle with concentrating on myself to get better.
In the other hospital I was able to “treat” my homesickness with short visits at home. But maybe this just distracted me from therapy and wasn’t such a good idea after all.
My sleep is better now, seems we found the correct medication for that. But I still struggle to get things done during daytime. But hey, I am glad for every small improvement.