Ten Things of Thankful, Week 03/2019

Ten Things of Thankful, Week 03/2019

So I proudly join the TToT-community again. Let’s see what I can contribute:

  • The weather changed from chilly, wet and cloudy to cold, dry and sunny. I like this so much! Yesterday we bundled up and had a wonderful walk with our friend, her dog and a dog from the shelter. I felt like I was bathed in lots of light.
  • On Boxing Day last year, another dog was found abandoned in front of the shelter. But this time, thankfully the former owners were caught and will have to pay for it. Sadly, this rarely happens. And of course, this doesn’t help Buddy (this is how the staff named the dog), but maybe his former owner learns from this – that throwing away pets like trash is indeed a crime, and hopefully this will have a lasting impact on their conscience. I hope something good will come from this sad event.
  • My mother had more dental surgery on Friday, and everything went well. I am grateful for that!
  • I got a very nasty cold this week, but also lots of support. My husband encouraged me to take it easy, my doctor gave me some pills – so I didn’t have to buy them – and our pets were very patient with me.
  • On Tuesday was my yearly visit with my OB/Gyn. Everything went well, and I was very relieved to hear that. I will have a mammo/sono later in September, but I will deal with this later.
  • Wednesday I discussed my latest blood work with my doctor. The results were mixed, my blood sugar is great, but my liver is stressed by either the new pain killer or the new psychotropic drug. But it’s nothing I have to deal with now, it can wait until next month. And I am thankful my blood sugar is ok!
  • Thursday I went to my dentist, I need a new bite guard. I was coughing a lot, and I just hoped for a break while the impression was made… And I was lucky! Another thing I got out of the way.
  • I didn’t go to OT on Thursday because I felt bad from my cold. This made me feel like I had somehow failed, but I am glad I was able to take care of myself.
  • Thursday and Friday I was too tired to walk the dogs. This made me feel bad, but my health needs to come first. Well, I learned this much, I guess. And the dogs are fine.
  • My husband was given Red Fire shrimps by his brother for the fish tank in our living room. They look so pretty and add even more life. We enjoy sitting and watching, and my husband is by no means finished. It’s so nice to see this former eyesore becoming such a pretty sight.
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Feline Friday #31

Feline Friday #31

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Psst… Purr-a-medic at work here!

Unfortunately my husband’s germs found me as well. I really can’t remember when I coughed so much the last time.

When my husband was at work, our pets took good care of me. Sam barked loudly at everyone who came near the house, Janet tried to make me join her on the couch (“Here, pat my tummy! This will make you feel better in no time!”).

But of course Jackie stayed closest to me. Feeling her purring up a storm on my stomach had healing powers. And she is very patient with me, staying for hours by my side. So it’s no surprise I already feel much better!

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Life and death…

Life and death…

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…are very close in my family this Christmas. There was the death of my uncle on the one side, and meeting with my parents and the fact that Christmas reminds us of Christ’s birth on the other side. My mother was a little bit sad, but mostly she was relieved her brother does not have to suffer anymore. We had a glass of prosecco before the meal and toasted to the living and the dead.

The relationship we had with my uncle’s family was very complicated at times. For years there was no contact, and we still don’t know why. When we went to bed, I felt like I was stuck at that time. I was a teenager back then, and I felt hurt and irritated on one hand, and I saw how much my mother suffered on the other hand. When we started talking again, it never was the same for me again.

On Christmas Day my self pity was over, and I thought how terrible my aunt and my cousin must feel: A woman lost her husband of more than fifty years… A daughter has to live without her father from now on. THAT is bad.

I asked my mother for my cousin’s mobile phone number, we know my aunt can’t deal with this right now.

Then I spent two hours thinking about what to write (I hate platitudes). Finally I gave up and texted that I was at a loss for words, and that our thoughts are with them. My cousin replied quickly, thanked me and said, she will let us know when the funeral takes place as soon as they know the details.

And then something strange happened: I remembered all the good moments before our families parted ways for many years. How I played with my cousin at a lake near their home, how my aunt’s mother read to us, how we went horseback riding together. And I started to smile, not everything was bad after all. My anger disappeared, and I felt more at peace.

I am dreading the funeral ceremony, because this will bring up lots of feelings again, but I try not to think about it too much right now.

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Feline Friday 27

Feline Friday 27

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This picture was taken this morning during one of our many cuddling sessions. My husband feeds Jackie and the dogs before he leaves for work, and if the weather is bad (it is raining today) Jackie joins me when her stomach is full.

What I like most about these precious moments is how we trust each other. We both feel absolutely safe. What a wonderful way to start a day!

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Acceptance…

Acceptance…

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…is an important thing when it comes to handling the rough parts of life. Acceptance also is one of my biggest challenges. I rarely take life as it is.

During the last days I wanted to finish decluttering my clothes. As shown above, there were lots of clothes that I had to admit I will never wear again. Because a) they don’t fit anymore, or b) I won’t have an opportunity to wear them anymore. The clothes still were in good shape, so I donated them.

I had hoped for relief. Instead, I felt sadness, despair and hopelessness. I was sad, because I never will dress up in the morning and go into work. I felt despair, because I am so limited due to my physical and mental problems. I felt hopeless, because I can’t plan ahead at the moment and have to take each day as it comes.

I will have to deal with these issues in the next weeks, and hopefully finally find peace. But the most important thing: Everyday life still runs smoothly. I walk the dogs, do chores and go to my therapy sessions. This gives me a feeling of accomplishment.

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