So I proudly join the TToT-community again. Let’s see what I can contribute:
- It was another week in which I managed to stay on course, taking care of my pack and the chores, so my brain can process the new routines.
- My parents had their 48th wedding anniversary. I am happy for them, of course, but they also are very good role models for me. They always made clear that a marriage has to be taken seriously, and that you have to deal with the bad times as well. This made me the dedicated wife I am.
- My husband and me had a wonderful date night at a chinese restaurant. It’s important to have these moments together.
- Helped a friend from the shelter putting on winter tires on her car. I like helping others when I can. It makes me happy as well.
- Had a good appointment with my psychiatrist. She told me I am doing well, and that I have to give myself more time. This was good to hear.
- Arranged a meeting with another friend, we will bake together later in the month. It will be good to see her again, and I am sure we will have fun baking together (we did this before, and it always was a success!).
- It’s getting cold. I am very thankful for my warm winter clothes, and that I was able to buy what I needed.
- Even though it is November, the weather was still mostly sunny and I was able to enjoy the good weather while walking the dogs. It helped me to keep depression at bay.
- After taking the dogs for a long walk yesterday, my husband and I ate in a greek fast food restaurant, so I didn’t have to cook. That was nice for a change.
- Friday was a challenging day for me. My husband left in the morning for work and didn’t return until late in the evening. I looked after the dogs, walk them twice and feed them in the evening. My husband was very glad he could rely on me again. This was good for both of us.
I know I have posted this picture – unedited – earlier, but I want to add something.
This is the way Jackie looks at me when she feels something is off, or when she senses I am really in a bad mood. She loves her daily strolls in the garden, she may be fiercely independent – but she also loves her humans and reacts to our moods.
When we argue and talk loudly, she walks away. When everything is alright, she joins us, lays down on her favorite human pillow and starts to purr. When something is wrong, she is restless, doesn’t settle down and takes a very good look. And most important, she stays with us.
Feeling this connection mostly has a very calming effect on me, and it has prevented me from doing stupid things so often I lost count. I think sometimes our pets feel more responsible for our wellbeing than other humans.
Yesterday I saw my psychiatrist for our quarterly appointment. Our last meeting wasn’t so great, but I think it wasn’t easy to help me back then… I think everything I said was: “My life just sucks big time!”
This time I could tell her I still walk our dogs every day, and that I do chores every day as well. When I remarked this new life still isn’t easy for me, she told me this: Our brain needs at least for weeks until it starts to register new routines. So I just shall go on with what I am doing, and I am to keep in mind that this still is just the beginning. Well, this is good to know.
Another problem is that I don’t sleep very well right now. She suggested I take my as-needed med every evening for a few days, and then go to bed without it again. Sleep is very important for me, especially for my back pain. My as-needed med is not habit forming, so I will do as she said.
I am also very anxious where celebrating Christmas with my in-laws is concerned. Will I be able to deal with seeing the baby, or will it be just too much… She said I should not think about this too much at the moment: Nobody knows how I will feel in five weeks, I really can’t decide about this now. She also arranged a meeting with one of the psychologists for me on December 20, so I can discuss my feelings again when it matters. I think this is a really good idea.
After I discussed all this with my husband, a big weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I am going in the right direction, I will continue to work hard, and I will deal with Christmas later. All that matters now is building up self confidence, a little more every day.
So I proudly join the TToT-community again. Let’s see what I can contribute:
- Another week in which I managed to get chores done, walked the dogs and kept a good balance between work and rest. I am still not completely used to this new lifestyle, but this was another good week that should help me getting there in the long run.
- I had to deal with my first real setback. I still feel the aftershocks and there is still room for improvement as my crisis management is concerned, but I dealt with it and avoided collateral damage.
- Once again I recognized I am not alone in this fight, and that I have lots of support.
- Started with my single OT-sessions again. I enjoy having group therapy as well, but this hour is just for me, and this helps to calm me down.
- Our dishwater didn’t complete its washing cycle anymore, because the dirty water stayed in the machine. Good thing my husband, who repairs bigger machines at work, was able to fix it (a pump was blocked by dirt). So we saved lots of money.
- My husband and me agreed it was time to have another “date night”. We decided on eating at a chinese restaurant Wednesday evening. It’s something special, because both of us can’t cook chinese, so we don’t have chinese food very often.
- For the last time this year, we enjoyed ice cream and coffee after our Saturday “shelter walk”. The cafe is closing for a long winter holiday and will re-open in March. That’s sad, but we really became friendly with the staff and are looking to seeing them again in spring.
- We also agreed that we will go to a greek fast food restaurant on Saturdays during the cold months after walking the dogs – it’s so good to have quality time with my husband.
- So far I managed to keep my weight I had when I left the hospital (I had lost 5 kg during my time on the ward). Well, having two canine personal trainers definitely helps with that.
- Even though it is November, I still managed to catch some sunlight. This makes me feel so much better, body and soul.
After a setback in the middle of the week, I am almost back to my normal self again. My inner compass works quite well.
I learned a lot. Most important: There are other people who are willing to help me, I am not alone in this fight. I am very thankful for that!
On the plus side: Everyday life went on. I avoided creating more problems because of chores piling up, and I didn’t hide in bed. And: I took my as-needed med responsibly and didn’t use it to escape from the situation. Probably the best: I stayed away from self harm, even though I really wanted to.
Maybe these were new skills I learned during my hospital stay. I listen to myself and my needs, and I stand up for myself if necessary. It’s okay if my extended family has to get used to this. But I will continue to guard my boundaries. I am still on my way to recovery, and I am moving in the right direction.
There is one thing I can do better next time: Try not to panic and have more faith in my ability to deal with the situation. This needs to become my new normal mind set. But all in all, I am satisfied with my crisis management.
I again participate in the Friendly Fill-Ins, hosted by Four-LeggedFurballs and 15andmeowing .So here we go:
1. I just had a small glass of white wine. I don’t do this very often because of my meds, but I will be fine as long as I don’t have too much.
2. My next activity after posting this will be taking out the dogs for their evening walk with my husband. I am a little afraid to be in the dark on my own.
3. The sound of our doorbell makes me cringe, because I know it will upset Sam, our dog.
4. Right now, I am craving nothing. We had apple pancakes and desert, I am positively full.