Still Alice

Still Alice

I am big fan of Julianne Moore, so seeing her in “Still Alice” was something I have wanted to do for a long time. But I don’t like going to cinemas, and I forgot about it for a while. Yesterday I remembered, and I found “Still Alice” on APV.

It affected me deeply. One, Alice is just two years older than I am now. I know it is very unlikely I will get this kind of Alzheimer’s, because it is hereditary, and my parents are doing fine (my father turns 73 in August, and he beats all of us). And yet… My brain may be my biggest problem, but it is also my greatest asset. I always liked to think things through carefully, and I liked my job as an accountant because it was often challenging me. It would be very hard if I lost that.

Second, it made me think about my grandmother, who dramatically declined cognitively in her last years. We never had her tested if it was a kind of normal senile dementia or Alheimer’s, because it wouldn’t have changed a thing. It was a creeping process, she wasn’t able to solve her crossword puzzles anymore, she didn’t know who she was talking to on the phone, money was missing, she thought someone had broken into her appartment or robbed her, she repeated herself constantly. She slipped into a different world, we didn’t get through to her anymore. We tried to help her as unobtrusively as we could. Even her good days were bad, because then she recognized all the things she couldn’t do anymore and became desperate.

At the same time anxiety and depression came back into my life after being absent for a long time. For months I didn’t tell anyone, but this only made things worse. I was so busy battling my own demons, I didn’t treat my grandmother as patiently as she would have deserved. Because her life was changing completely as well.

I am not very proud of how I behaved during this time. People who suffer from dementia may not understand what is happening, but they still feel and understand emotions. And on the emotional level she surely felt my impatience, my depression and my confusion, but no love.

There’s nothing I can do for my grandmother, she died in 2006. All I can hope for is that I learned my lession, and that I will behave differently should other people in my life suffer from dementia in the future.

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Ten Things of Thankful, Week 24/2019

Ten Things of Thankful, Week 24/2019

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So I proudly join the TToT-community again. Let’s see what I can contribute this week:

  • Monday was a banking holiday. It meant we had a quiet day, and we enjoyed it. The shops were closed and there was no traffic.
  • Tuesday I got a lot done in OT group and left very satisfied. No pressure, I just had fun doing it. That was nice for a change.
  • On Saturday we continued working on our terrace. I am so thankful my husband’s friend promised to help us in his free time.
  • I was very tired Saturday morning and decided to take a nap after breakfast. I am thankful I did, because it turned out to be a very long and tiring day!
  • My husband’s friend suggested we start early, and that was a good thing, because things got worse before they got better. So I am thankful he was prepared for everything!
  • When we started turning down the isolation, we found out everything was wet, even the concrete… Well, now we know where the problems with the basement are coming from. We were shocked, but my husband’s friend stayed optimistic and promised us we will solve this. I was so grateful for his good mood, it helped a lot.
  • I was able to help, and this always makes me feel good. I did nothing spectacular, collecting everything the boys turned down and bringing lunch, but I was part of it.
  • After scraping the old and useless isolation from the terrace, my husband and his friend finally could bring on the new isolation. That took a few hours, but the boys were very thorough and my husband’s friend promised us we will never have to deal with this again. Woohoo! What a relief, it was so good to hear this.
  • Our plan for Saturday was that my husband works on the terrace and that I walk the dogs with our friend and her dog. I had to cancel, but our friend was very understanding. I am thankful for that!
  • My husband’s friend promised us to come back in two weeks and help us again with the insulation. Hopefully we can take it from there, but I am thankful he helps us with the things we can’t do on our own. Our terrace is far from finished. but we are on our way!

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Feline Friday #51 | Friendly Fill-Ins

Feline Friday #51 | Friendly Fill-Ins

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It’s time for Feline Friday, hosted by Comedy Plus!

When Jackie (right) joined us, we already had Micky (left). At first, Micky wasn’t amused – she was a Diva through and through, and sharing wasn’t her forte. But after a few days, she changed completely and was like a mother to Sammy. She showed her everything a cat needed to know in our household, played with her and gave her a lot of warmth and love. They remained close, and later Micky even helped bring up Sammy’s kittens. She never had kittens on her own, but she was a devoted aunt. It was so heartwarming to watch those two together – Micky was aloof and elegant, Sammy goofy and clumsy. The bond between Micky and Sammy was something special, they were so different, but that didn’t stop them from being friends.

Friendly Fill-Ins

I again participate in the Friendly Fill-Ins, hosted by Four-LeggedFurballs and 15andmeowing. So here we go:

1. I hope our favorite chinese restaurant never goes out of business. We have spent so many wonderful hours there.
2. So far, the highlight of my year has have been the dating evenings with my husband. This is something we do once a month since my last inpatient stay.
3. Worrying about the past takes up too much time.
4. If I didn’t have to sleep, I would spend that extra time watching TV, surfing the Internet and cuddling our furbabies that always keep me company when I can’t sleep.
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Ten Things of Thankful, Week 23/2019

Ten Things of Thankful, Week 23/2019

So I proudly join the TToT-community again. It’s an anniversary, because TTOT turned six. Let’s see what I can contribute this week:

  • I am thankful for every host of the TTOT, past and present, that they make this blog hop possible. It surely takes a lot of time and dedication.
  • I found a new recipe for making carrots we both like. I didn’t know adding honey can make such a big difference.
  • Our cat Jackie was very cuddly this week. I enjoyed this very much, of course!
  • We had a few warm days, and I was able to wear a dress for the first time this year. It sure felt great!
  • On Monday I was very thankful for our trainee therapist. She really helped me with my current project (I took over weaving a basket another client started but didn’t finish).
  • On Tuesday I realized something very important about myself in therapy (I am often too hard on myself, and that doesn’t help at all).
  • On Wednesday enjoyed a therapy free and quiet day.
  • On Thursday we were just two patients in our relaxation group, so we enjoyed a session that was made just for us.
  • My husband started his holiday on Friday, and it’s always nice to have him around.
  • On Saturday I treated my husband to lunch in a greek fast food restaurant. We enjoyed it, and I didn’t have to cook – a big win-win!

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Feline Friday #50 | Friendly Fill-Ins

Feline Friday #50 | Friendly Fill-Ins

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It’s time for Feline Friday, hosted by Comedy Plus!

Jackie doesn’t care the terrace is a work in progress. It’s still her favorite place to be if it isn’t too hot. Janet (one of our dogs) doesn’t like it at all, but Jackie is her usual cool self.

Jackie is likes to sit at the railing, because she has a good view from there. She can see everything what happens in the garden, and this is what counts for an alpha cat!

Friendly Fill-Ins

I again participate in the Friendly Fill-Ins, hosted by Four-LeggedFurballs and 15andmeowing. So here we go:

1. A past event that I would like to see in person is the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, which was a big step in the process of the German Reunification. 
2. If I were a dog, my breed would be Malinois (Belgian Shepherd). They are loyal, intelligent and their head always need something to work on.

3. If I came with a warning label, it would say the following: Give me some space, or you are heading for disaster.

4. I would want to take my husband and our furbabies with me to a deserted island.
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I want it now!

I want it now!

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We are working on a mosaic in group OT. Each of us works on a part, and when the parts are put together, you see a wind rose. It is a lengthy procedure that requieres a lot of patience. The upper picture is taken before, the lower picture after the last session. It is very obvious I will not be finished soon.

After a few sessions I lost the interest and just wanted to stop working on it. Now I found out why: I am not very patient with myself, even though I am very patient where other people are concerned. I expect from myself that I get everything done NOW. I don’t care about the circumstances (for instance, I don’t know beforehand how the tiles will break – I just have to look for the right space for every piece).

It’s always amazing how OT mirrors life.

My aim for the next sessions will be to be kinder to myself and just enjoy this tricky puzzle game. Maybe I even can bring this attitude into my everyday life.

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