Sometimes I can be a little bit dense and the penny really takes its time to drop. But better late than never!
During my inpatient stay 2018, we had this really great art therapist. He was spot on all the time.
Once he said to a fellow patient: ” You are responsible for everything you DO, and for everything you DO NOT DO.”
This stuck with me. I realised I tried to get away with a lot of things, that I was very quick in finding an explaniation or an excuse.
This has really changed, and it feels good to hold myself accountable. Sometimes I’m too good at this, because I often try to explain the behavior and mistakes of others with what I did or didn’t do.
A few days ago, I finally understood the other side of this coin. Yes, I’m responsible for everything I do or do not do. But the others are responsible for everything they do or do not do as well. This was very liberating realization.
An example: There was a birthday in the family, I sent a text message. I could see the message had been read, but I didn’t get an answer. This would have really driven me nuts, I would have spend hours asking myself what I’d done wrong. This time I just mentally shrugged my shoulders – it was out of my hands anyway, and the other person had to decide for herself what she was doing or not doing. Handing responsibility over to those who really have to carry it.
By the way: Everything is fine, I got an response, just a few days later, and we had a nice chat. The important thing is I found a good way to deal with this situation. I will not stop holding myself accountable for my actions, but I will be mindful to bear just my part of responsibility.