Life and death…

Life and death…


…are very close in my family this Christmas. There was the death of my uncle on the one side, and meeting with my parents and the fact that Christmas reminds us of Christ’s birth on the other side. My mother was a little bit sad, but mostly she was relieved her brother does not have to suffer anymore. We had a glass of prosecco before the meal and toasted to the living and the dead.

The relationship we had with my uncle’s family was very complicated at times. For years there was no contact, and we still don’t know why. When we went to bed, I felt like I was stuck at that time. I was a teenager back then, and I felt hurt and irritated on one hand, and I saw how much my mother suffered on the other hand. When we started talking again, it never was the same for me again.

On Christmas Day my self pity was over, and I thought how terrible my aunt and my cousin must feel: A woman lost her husband of more than fifty years… A daughter has to live without her father from now on. THAT is bad.

I asked my mother for my cousin’s mobile phone number, we know my aunt can’t deal with this right now.

Then I spent two hours thinking about what to write (I hate platitudes). Finally I gave up and texted that I was at a loss for words, and that our thoughts are with them. My cousin replied quickly, thanked me and said, she will let us know when the funeral takes place as soon as they know the details.

And then something strange happened: I remembered all the good moments before our families parted ways for many years. How I played with my cousin at a lake near their home, how my aunt’s mother read to us, how we went horseback riding together. And I started to smile, not everything was bad after all. My anger disappeared, and I felt more at peace.

I am dreading the funeral ceremony, because this will bring up lots of feelings again, but I try not to think about it too much right now.


7 thoughts on “Life and death…

  1. I’m sorry for your loss too. It’s hard to watch the elders leave us, but leave us they do. I hope you do okay with this bump in the road.

    Have a fabulous day. ♥


  2. Death is hard to manage, let alone when there are different family dynamics and memories involved. I lost my uncle this year and knowing what to say to other family members (again, not quite straight forward) was hard, and harder still to reconcile being glad he was no longer in pain with the heartbreaking sadness that he had gone. Give yourself time and some distraction. Sending love and hugs xxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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