While I am accompanied by many demons when I am outside, there is only one of them with me when I am inside. But this is the worst one: Self-hatred.
He is very persistent, and he knows how he can torture me the best. He follows me around all day long, and often at night as well.
Today in therapy we tried visualisation. I was told to imagine the demon in my head and to talk to him. I realized that there are things I like I like about this demon as well. He is absolutely reliable, he doesn’t change his rules. But I also think he judges me to harshly. My life wasn’t always like this, and I was able to keep up with the “normal world” for nearly four decades, despite my psychological and physical issues.
I was told to push the demon away from me, and at the end of the session he wasn’t black anymore, rather grey.
That doesn’t change the fact that I still suffer from this demon. But maybe I have a say in some things!