Honesty is the best policy

 

One of the most important things I learned in therapy is being honest. To myself, and to others.

To make life easier for others and for me I often used white lies. When somebody said things like “What about doing xxx sometimes”, my answer would be “yes “.

Sometimes I would get away with it, sometimes not. And then things would become ugly. „You said, you would go with us?!“ Disappointment and a bad atmosphere would follow those discussions. Not to forget the bad feeling I had from the first discussion until this moment.

Honesty does not prevent me from diappointment or a bad mood, but the atmosphere stays clear. But honesty shows I am taking the other – and myself – seriously.

This week was an example how I have changed, and I was a little bit proud how I handled things. On Christmas the In-Laws suggested we have a good time together instead of buying presents. I pointed out immedeately that I don’t plan so far ahead in my present condition, and that there is the possibility I can’t join them. When things got real this week I made it clear from the beginning I won’t go.

My MIL is a little pissed at me, she likes family time. I can live with this.

My husband understands my reasons, but he is sad I don’t go with them. That’s awful. But I am the only one responsible for my mental health. And if I am stressed and overstrained, no one is happy.