Learning from the past…

Learning from the past…

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… can be difficult. I have no clue why some of my behaviour patterns are so persistent.

If somebody whines about how much things still need to be done, or that he/she doesn’t know how to do something, one thing happens for sure: I offer my help, it doesn’t matter if I have things to do myself.

Group therapy reflects the real life, so it happened again while we were working on a joint project.

# 1: We are working on the seabed (our joint project is a seascape). Nobody knows how to get the paste that resembles the sand on the canvas. A. is stirring everything together, B. stands next to her and talks, and I help transforming the white paste into a sandy yellow. A. finishes the stirring, gives the bowl to me and says: “You put it on the canvas! I don’t know how to do it.”
It doesn’t count that I never did this before, either. I somehow feel responsible and go ahead, feeling very stressed because I don’t want to ruin everything.

# 2: C. suggests to place a wooden treasure chest on the seabed of the painting. He starts making it, draws the outlines on wood and saws out the straight lines. When it comes to the difficult curves, he says he has enough and stops working on it.
I feel obligated to take over, and I have to say sawing the curved lines wasn’t that complicated. But I lose track of my former work.

# 3, today: C. remarks that he has so much to do, the sky, the waves and what not. Before I can reply, the therapist steps in and says, that it was his choice to work on so many details. If it is too much, the group will decide who has time to spare and can help him.

This time I was lucky. But I noticed there is a method to the madness. And that it always has been this way, be it work, family or friends. Well, my therapist says: “Things can change, even if they have remained the same for a long time!”

But changing this is so hard. What will happen if I admit that I can’t do everything? Will I still be loved, or will everybody turn away from me in disgust? My inner child is lying sobbing on the floor right know. And I am watching helplessly and don’t know how to console it…

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3 thoughts on “Learning from the past…

  1. I spent the first fifty years of my life being a people-pleaser, and a doormat, afraid that if I stood up and said NO people wouldn’t like me. Sadly, people take advantage of that, just as happened here. You will love yourself more when you find the courage to say no. At first it may surprise people, but anyone who is a real friend will remain so. It is not our job to take on all the things other people don’t want to do! No gets easier with practice! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How about givig it a try? Admitting it, I mean. Not everyone has to learn the hard way (like me, I used to be so perfect at everything so I can understand you very well. Now the MS has made it impossible for me even to write by hand 😡 ).

    Like

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