First things first…

First things first…

English is not my first language, so please be patient with me and forgive my mistakes. I love the english language and follow english blogs from all over the world, the purpose of this blog is to keep in touch with non-german bloggers. Constructive criticism and feedback are always welcome of course!

Thanks for stopping by,


Shared destiny

Shared destiny

The most patients here live in two-bed-rooms. It is not always easy if two strangers have to share such little  space. 

Mostly, we get along quite well. I am spending more time in the  bathroom in the evening, and M. in  the morning. Both of us like it quiet. We respect each other’s space.

When we met, both of us felt very down. Now I feel much better, M. doesn’t. This imbalance is sometimes difficult to handle.

I really would like to help her,  but there’s not much I can do. And I have to work hard to get better myself.

I try to listen and to create a good atmosphere. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for M. that the others are getting better while she doesn’t. We don’t talk about this.

I made the picture above in creative therapy today. Finally my life of light is burning again.



When I am told something I often feel that I must DO something about this, even if I am just given bare facts. To make the right decision is often difficult for me.
So I start too many things, barely manage to finish a few  of them, and feel absolutely beaten when I think about the many things I still have to do.

I am working on a kind of filter that helps me focus on the really important things. Right now, this filter doesn’t work as good as I need it to be.

But I am sure that working on this will pay off.

Ten Things of Thankful, Week 36/2018

Ten Things of Thankful, Week 36/2018

So I proudly join the TToT-communityagain. Let’s see what I can contribute:

  • Last week I made the first big steps forward in therapy. I feel better already, even though I know there is still a long journey ahead of me.
  • Somehow, I started to feel a little more hopeful. This is such a relief. Living without hope is terrible.
  • Our therapist in creative therapy told me that I have a firm grip on reality. It’s good to hear I get something right. I still feel unstable and a little bit confused.
  • The head physician told me again I am doing great and just to go ahead. Feeling her optimism made me feel better as well.
  • I was able to go home for the weekend. My roommate was not allowed to go, so I think of it as a kind of reward.
  • One of the dogs at the shelter was adopted. We took him for a walk every Saturday for the last year, and we will miss him terribly, but I hope he finally found a forever home.
  • We had some very good ice cream after walking the dogs on Saturday. I had been looking forward to this for the whole week!
  • I made a cake for our ward on Friday, and it turned out great. And I had so much fun making it!
  • As my husband heard this, of course he wanted to have this cake as well. I am glad I had the energy to bake again today at home.
  • My husband and I cooked lunch together today. It was so good, and a real team work.
Friendly Fill-Ins Week 122

Friendly Fill-Ins Week 122

I again participate in the Friendly Fill-Ins, hosted by Four-Legged Furballs and andand 15andmeowing So here we go:

1. Being hard of hearing is often difficult. But many mishaps are downright funny!

2. If dirty laundry were worth money, then I would be rich. It just piles up, human clothing, dog blankets…

3. I am proud of my pack. Together we are quite strong.

4. If I could time travel, I would visit the year 1946, August 28th, to be exact. I would tell my Grandma that it is nobody’s fault her second twin was born sick. 

Playing Puzzle

Playing Puzzle

Today I talked to the head physician again, and told her my mood has improved, but that I feel quite confused and not stable nonetheless.

The head physician was great and took some time to explain me how she sees it: One, the new medication really seems to help me. Second, I have to wait until the new medication completely takes effect. She described my current state as a kind of thawing, a time of unstableness that will pass. She told me she thinks therapy is going well, and to keep on working with them.

I feel like playing a brick game in which I have to put different bricks together so that they form a stable wall. Everything is messed up and has to find a new kind of order in my head.



I drew this picture in creative therapy. It shows how I pull myself out of the depths of depression.

I know now that I can condemn my bad thoughts, painful memories and mistakes as long as I want: They are a part of me. But there also has to be another, strong part inside of me, otherwise I wouldn’t be alive anymore.

Maybe I can live with my weak parts if they are kind of counteracted by the strong parts.

I found my sense of humor again this morning. During physiotherapy the therapist talked about Gandhi and thinking positive, when somebody said very loudly: “I am so done with this shit! I am done here!”

Well, talk about thinking positively, it made me smile. Otherwise my mood is far from stable, it goes up and down.