First things first…

First things first…

English is not my first language, so please be patient with me and forgive my mistakes. I love the english language and follow english blogs from all over the world, the purpose of this blog is to keep in touch with non-german bloggers. Constructive criticism and feedback are always welcome of course!

Thanks for stopping by,

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Feline Friday #89| Friendly Fill-Ins

Feline Friday #89| Friendly Fill-Ins

It’s time for Feline Friday, hosted by Sandee from Comedy Plus!

We are not the only cat parents here, and so I often meet other cats, especially at the bus stop. All cats I see here are well taken care of and clearly used to living with humans.

This cat decided the street was a good place to lie down. Of course I disagreed, even though the cars are driving slow here. But this cat is clever, with it’s fine senses it knew a car was coming our way before I heard or saw it and walked away. What I liked about this short encounter was that the cat clearly felt at ease in my presence. It knew I wouldn’t harm or even try to touch it. I said “Hi sweetie, how are you doing?” and the cat responded by blinking slowly.

Cats are such an important part of my life, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way!

Friendly Fill-Ins

I again participate in the Friendly Fill-Ins, hosted by Four-LeggedFurballs and 15andmeowing. So here we go:

1. My sofa is too crowded when all of us want to snuggle, but we love it anyway.
2. I am willing to give up anything for my family, two- and fourlegged. But I’m sure this answer will come up often!
3. One random fact about me is that I am a back sleeper by nature, but have to sleep on my side due to back pain. But I got used to it.
4. My ability to empathize with humans and animals makes me unique.

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Thankful Thursday #51

Thankful Thursday #51

Thankful Thursday Blog Hop

The Thankful Thursday Blog Hop is hosted by Brian from Brian’s Home. He encourages us to say what we are thankful for today.

Today I’m thankful summer has made way for fall. The hot days are over and the fields have been harvested. Of course there’s a hint of melancholy in the air as well, but that adds more feeling to the last warm days. It’s not for everyone, but I try to make the best of each of the seasons. I know there will be times when the darkness will feel oppressive, but for now there’s so much to enjoy, and I’m thankful for that.

Have a great Thursday!

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Discipline

Discipline

A big challange that I want to adress next is self discipline. I really have neglected this for the last years.  

It was ok for a while not to push myself too much, because my soul had to do lots of healing. But I’m so much better now. 

But it’s easier said than done, and many parts of my life are affected. From bad eating habits and chores to keeping in touch with family and friends. If something comes up, I usually can handle it, but there’s no consistency. There are things I really stick to, like cooking or walking the dogs, but at the same time I feel unfinished tasks are building up, and that worries me. I allow myself to be easily distracted by playing games or internet surfing. 

Of course I have to be mindful of my physical and mental issues, but they are no excuse for not holding myself accountable. 

I have to admit the first steps are hard. This starts with getting up early in the morning. But I make things harder for myself by finding a million excuses not to go to bed on time. We talked about this in the last therapy session, often I am my biggest problem. Maybe I will find out why this happens.

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Group analytic psychotherapy

Group analytic psychotherapy

 

Recently I finished OT. But I continue group analytic therapy. 

OT often didn’t push me anymore, on the other hand analytic group is sometimes almost too much. I know this kind of group therapy from my inpatient treatments, but then I could talk to the staff later if I felt overwhelmed. Now, in an outpatient setting, I’m mostly on my own. Our therapist offers single sessions, but of course we have to wait for a free slot. 

I’m an empathic person, I feel the pain of the other patients. I’d like to help them instantly, but that’s not possible. All I can do is listen and help them unburdening their soul a little bit.

Analytic psychotherapy is – compared to behavioral therapy, for instance – a long process, it doesn’t work quickly. Patience is none of my virtues. I’d like to overcome my own problems NOW, but there’s no shortcut. Often I come home from therapy and feel very frustrated. 

I asked my therapist in our last individual session if it makes sense for me to continue. He said that I’m still at the beginning (I started group mid January, but soon after that came the big Corona-break), and that this kind of group therapy is expected to last for years. He thinks therapy will help me a great deal with my problems, he advised me just to go on with it and keep an open mind for everything that will come my way.

Sigh… So I’ll do my very best to meet the others tomorrow morning. Let’s hope I will get at least a little bit wiser. Slow and steady wins this race!

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Thankful Thursday #50

Thankful Thursday #50

 

Thankful Thursday Blog Hop

The Thankful Thursday Blog Hop is hosted by Brian from Brian’s Home. He encourages us to say what we are thankful for today.

Today I am thankful that the periodontosis treatment  could start as planned yesterday. Health insurance was really quick in processing my claim. 

It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but it had to be done. And I was told the rest of the treatment wouldn’t be as bad. But my dentist believes in the concept of Full Mouth Desinfection, and that meant the initial procedure had to be done in one setting. 

Nonetheless I spend much time recuperating and healing right now, and tomorrow is the next appointment at the dentist. I will try to visit all of you as soon as possible.

Have a good time until then!

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Occupational Therapy

Occupational Therapy

One of the recent changes in my life has been that I terminated OT.

This wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, it took me a few weeks to come to terms with it.

I knew something was off when the copay really started to annoy me. First I thought it was because of the changes Corona forced us to make – there was no group OT for almost two months, individual sessions always were possible, but I changed to telemedicine for a few weeks. Later, all kinds of therapy took place in the office again, of course under strict Corona protective measures, but I was ok with that.

In my individual sessions I finished weaving a basket, in group I drew the picture above. But I felt irritable and unsatisfied all the time.

Finally I got it: I was bored. I expect therapy to challenge me. Everything would have been alright if I just wanted to have a good time with nice people, but I want more. Our analytical group is another story, it’s sometimes almost too much, but that’s a story for another day 🙂

For the last years I didn’t have these therapy goals. I felt comfortable for a long time (about three years) as it was. In hard times OT helped me organize my days, but I don’t need this anymore. In the first weeks I enjoyed my free Tuesday afternoons and Friday mornings extremely. This feeling has worn off a little bit of course, but I still don’t miss a thing. Right now I don’t plan to fill this free time with something new, but I am sure something will find me eventually.

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Under my skin, part 3

Under my skin, part 3

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Right now I’m quite busy reorganising my life and blogging less, but that’s for another post. Before I come to this, I want to finish this mini-series.

There’s one point I often think about. Why I am still alive when so many wonderful people are dying or have already died of cancer? Why the young mother of two, or the autor who had so much left to say, and not me? We cancer survivors have to bury those who don’t make it. That’s often hard for me, especially in times when depression strikes.

This is closely linked to the question: What is the meaning of my life? I know cancer can ask this question very loud and unmistakably. Sometimes cancer forces life to change, sometimes it makes people realize they live the life they never wanted. And sometimes it makes people realize their life is wonderful as it is. All of this has its merits. For me, it was something in between, I changed some little things, but nothing major.

Cancer is often painted as black or white, life or death. But it’s not so simple, sometimes cancer adds a lot of colours to life.

I want to give cancer the room in my life it deserves, but nothing more. Keeping this balance is sometimes easy and sometimes hard. What I want to say is: Life doesn’t stop with a cancer diagnosis. I am thankful for all the great people who helped me learn this lesson.

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Thankful Thursday #49

Thankful Thursday #49

Thankful Thursday Blog Hop

The Thankful Thursday Blog Hop is hosted by Brian from Brian’s Home. He encourages us to say what we are thankful for today.

Today I am thankful for my intuition. It told me quite clearly something was wrong with my gums. There was an itching, burning sensation and bleeding. So Corona be damned, I made an appointment with my dentist, and luckily could be seen the next day.

The dentist is another thing I am thankful for. Turns out I have a moderate case of periodontitis. This can become a serious problem and make teeth fall out. He was so nice, he assured me he sees I take good care of my teeth, and this isn’t my fault. He also came up with a plan and told me what to do. Unfortunately this isn’t something that goes away in a week, we are talking at least a year, but I am sure he knows what he is doing. Health insurance has to agree first, so we have to wait another three weeks before starting treatment, but I am glad I listened to my intuition and went to the dentist before something really bad happened.

Have a wonderful day!

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Under my skin, part 2

Under my skin, part 2

 

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In February my mother learned that her favorite brother-in-law had been admitted to the hospital for palliative care. We knew about his brain cancer, but he had been living with it for years, so we almost forgot. He died two weeks later. This was before Corona struck, so his family could be with him.

Werner – this was the name of my cousin’s uncle – always was an upbeat and optimistic person. For years there was a lot of tension between my uncle’s familiy and our family, but Werner always was fair and made an effort to include us at the familiy gatherings. The last time I met him was at my uncle’s funeral. I saw he was wearing hearing aids and asked him about them. He explained that the radiation treatment for the tumour had affected the auditory nerve. He also was very open about how the cancer changed his life, that he suffered from vertigo and couldn’t ride his bike or drive a car anymore. This talk could have been very sad, but it was everything but. He accepted the limitations, but he went on living as well as possible.

My maternal grandmother died in 2000 of metastatic pancreatic cancer. Since she had had breast cancer in her thirties, she always was afraid the next serious illness was just around the corner. Every sniffle was a sign of a severe disease. I have to admit, at some point I stopped listening. Her doctors stopped listening as well. It’s bad to suffer from cancer twice in a lifetime, but for me it’s also bad that the time between her bouts with cancer was filled with so much fear and sorrow.  There was almost no happiness in my grandmother’s life. That must have been a hard life to live.

Two very different stories… I learned from that we have a choice how we deal with cancer. We can make the best from it, but we can also allow the gloom to take over. People like Werner show us how it can be done. And I will try to listen to people like my grandmother, so they can get rid of their burden, at least a little bit.

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Thankful Thursday #48

Thankful Thursday #48

Thankful Thursday Blog Hop

The Thankful Thursday Blog Hop is hosted by Brian from Brian’s Home. He encourages us to say what we are thankful for today.

Today I am grateful for our summer therapy break. Our therapist is wonderful, the group is great, but right now I feel tired and enjoy my free Thursday mornings.  Something is changing in my mind, and right now taking it easy is the best thing I can do. I know I am processing a lot at the moment, and I am sure this will help me a great deal, but it has to happen at its own pace. So this break came at the right time, and that’s my big thankful for today.

Have a great day!

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